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His OWn Good Angela Griffen. 2002. Disclaimer: The characters and worlds appearing in this story belong to J.K. Rowling and Scholastic. I am using them for no profit, and with the understanding that this falls under the umbrella of Fair Use. No infringement is intended.
Draco wants desperately to be evil. Wants it in a different way than he's ever wanted anything before. It isn't like the way he wants a Firebolt for his birthday, or the way he wants to grind Harry Potter's face in a muddy puddle. This is a different sort of wanting, the sort that borders on need. This wanting is almost pitiful, and Draco knows that somewhere in the back of his mind too. He doesn't want to be merely bad. "Bad" is a word reserved for old milk and petty thieves. Evil is of a higher class, because evil is bad with power, and evil is bad that would get him everything he desires. Evil is straight through to the core, and soaring above everybody else. Sadly, he knows he isn't evil, knows he might be bad and rotten, but he's powerless and pathetic. It's clear because of how much he wants; there's an edge to it he can't help, and there's no one he can talk to about it because that would only make it worse. So pathetic and needy he'd slap himself if he were in his right mind, but telling Professor Snape, letting the words roll off his tongue in a voice that sounds nothing like his own, sounds whiny and gasping. The professor's eyes narrow, and his hands grip Draco's arms, pulling him away. "What?" Professor Snape asks, like he didn't hear it the first time, and Draco doesn't want to try to gasp it out again. All that comes out of his mouth sounds like "want" and "power" and "evil," and this is the first time Draco thinks Professor Snape has ever been angry with him. "Mr. Malfoy," Professor Snape says, and Draco looks up, trying to force his teacher to see and to understand. He doesn't. "You do not understand what you think you want." Professor Snape doesn't have to pull him off this time, Draco feels his body recoiling. Rejection, but with the knowledge that he's being rejected by someone who fooled him all along. "Evil does not bring one power, but merely renders him powerless to that force." Draco wants to sneer, wants to spit in his teacher's face, though he knows that will earn him nothing. Professor Snape leans in and says in a very low voice, "Power does not come from being evil, Mr. Malfoy, but from allowing others to believe you are." Draco turns and walks out of the room quietly, back straight and head held high. He's halfway down the corridor before he breaks into a run.
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